Today, I’m playing hooky from work, opting instead to watch the rain through the back windows, slurping coffee from a never-ending mug, writing and reading. The back door is open – I love the smell of rain, especially after a long, dusty summer. Perhaps, at some point, I’ll gather the impetus to get some things done, but, for right now, I’m enjoying my lazy autumn afternoon.
I feel like crap. I’m sluggish and sleepy. I can’t get out of my bed in the morning. I sit, zombie- like, in front of the TV at night. My skin’s ashen, my head hurts and I’m stiff and achy. I feel fat – not just fat – bloated and fat.
And I know why…
Juggling school, work and life has forced me to place my healthier lifestyle on a back-back burner. I practiced yoga religiously three times a week – Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. You couldn’t pull me away from my practice for anything. It’s been weeks since I’ve stepped inside the studio. I’d walk and jog on the weekends – up and down and around my neighborhood. I’m lucky if I fit in a 20-minute stroll. I was eating well – lots of water, veggies, fruits and proteins. Today, I shove whatever passes my face into my mouth. I eat what I can, when I can. If we make cheesy goodness in class, I eat cheesy goodness (or pastry, or richness or whatever else is on the menu).
I feel the difference – I hate it. I’m reverting to the soft person I once was. I’m weaker and tired and yuck! What happens when school is over? Do I have to start this journey all over again? Oh, I can’t stand the thought.