TODAY’S MUSINGS:
As a child, I believed a prominently placed “no soliciting” sign was a sure indication that a crotchety, reclusive homeowner lived there – the same neighbor that would yell at us to, “get off the grass!”  When faced with that sign, I would reconsider pressing the doorbell.  It seems, now that I am older, I am a card-carrying member of that same cantankerous category. 

As someone who works from home, I am exasperated by salespeople who attempt to sell me solar panels by ringing my doorbell on Monday at 10:00 a.m.– as if I have been sitting around, staring at the walls, just waiting for a visitor.  Even more annoying are the interruptions during my days off.  Fervently typing away in my writer’s retreat, I’m compelled, at the obnoxious dinging of my bell, to stop mid-thought, exit the retreat, stride across the backyard and through the house. When I crack the door, there stands a dreaded salesperson on the other side assuring me they are, “not trying to sell me anything.”  I’m reminded of Coleridge’s Person from Porlock.  Rather than a direct and simple “no soliciting” sign, I’m tempted to post this excessively verbose rebuke below:

Dear Stranger Ringing My Doorbell NOT Trying to Sell Something:

If I open the door, and you compliment my “lovely” home or anything else within your sightline…you ARE trying to sell me something.

If you mention some fictitious “problem” in the neighborhood – unreadable curb numbers, the rising cost of electricity, the work that has been going on to add more AT&T Fiber cables, home security, the proliferation of black widow spiders – you ARE trying to sell me something.

If you glance at your clipboard and mention a random neighbor’s name who agreed to sign up for whatever it is you are not selling, then you ARE trying to sell me something.  I know many neighbors – and why is it you never list a neighbor who I actually know? 

I understand that you are just trying to earn a little cash.  However, this is my HOME and you have NOT been invited to my doorstep.  If I am here, I am most likely working, cooking, writing, napping, or watching a show on Netflix.  NONE of these situations are improved by an interruption from you.   

Further, even if I DID want to switch my Wi-Fi carrier, door-to-door sales is not the method I would choose.  I would go online and order it – after extensive Yelping and Googling.  I would never TRUST that your product or service is of quality and reasonably priced. If a company is using door-to-door as part of their advertising campaign, then something is shady with the advertiser.

The only item I would ever purchase from someone going door-to-door is GIRL SCOUT COOKIES – so, if you’re not selling those, then please save us both the hassle and MOVE ON.  Thank you.

Too Much?

TODAY’S RECIPE:
I adore peanut butter and I’m not above scooping a large blob from the jar and licking it directly off the spoon, but this is even better. This fluffy peanut butter mousse recipe can be thrown together in a flash and yet still satisfies the biggest peanut butter fan’s craving.  Full confession – the photo shows two precisely piped and decorated peanut butter mousse parfaits – in truth, I usually scoop the mousse from mixing bowl directly into my mouth. No fancy parfait glass needed.