Scared

“The West End Partners, the redevelopers of the area along West Main Street, are planning a large market space to be built out over next year or so. It’s supposed to open in early 2014.

The idea is to have a dozen small-scale restaurants as well as coffee, beer and wine. There will be kitchens for smaller-scale projects, like incubators for people whose business models are too large for the cottage food law but too small for traditional commercial kitchens; a gluten-free kitchen and a confectionary kitchen.

The market part will emphasize local artisans, including a butcher shop to be run by a whole-animal butcher who moved West rose from in-house butcher to sous chef at Bouchon. Much of the food for sale will come from the commercial kitchens, and there will be a demo space as well.”

Fuck, I’m scared.  Isn’t this the perfect opportunity for me?  Is this what I’ve been waiting for?  I want to open up a gelateria downtown and here comes a space that seems almost too perfect – kitchen space, in my preferred area – and on my time schedule.  How can I ignore this?

I had placed the gelateria idea on the back burner; I haven’t worked on it in months.  I’m so easily discouraged by other’s critiques and comments – and my own self-doubt…probably my own self-doubt more than anything. In an attempt to combat it,  I’ve read dozens of quotes (and a book or two)  by successful people about how one must silence the critics to move forward, but I find it impossible to silence the voices of doubt in my head.

The first step is to admit the fear – I’M FUCKING SCARED!  Scared! Scared! Scared! Whew,  that’s out of the way.  The second step is to take one tiny tip-toe forward.  I will call the redevelopers on Monday. No procrastination.  What could it hurt?

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Zucchini Bread

After being MIA all last weekend in the Bermuda triangle that makes up my stove, refrigerator and sink, I promised myself that I would stay out of the kitchen this weekend – practice getting a life.

My plans were thwarted when I remembered Wednesday’s CSA basket contained three zucchinis.  What to do, what to do?  I’ve been thinking a lot about quick breads lately (I think about food the way pre-teen girls think about Justin Bieber) – pumpkin spice, cranberry orange and banana nut breads.  As soon as I remembered the squash languishing in my produce drawer, I was overtaken with dreams of baking Zucchini Walnut Bread into cute, mini-loafs.   Okay, maybe just one recipe, but then the rest of the weekend is devoted to socializing and outdoor activities.

But wait, the food swap is next weekend!   I still need to can the Chutney!  Okay, only two recipes – Chutney and Zucchini Bread – and the rest of the weekend for normal pursuits.

zucchini-bread-photo

Good Ol’ Fashioned Zucchini Bread*

Ingredients:
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 T. ground cinnamon
1/4 t. nutmeg
1/4 t. clove
3 eggs
1 cup vegetable oil
2 & 1/4 cups white sugar
1 T. vanilla extract
2.5 – 3 cups grated zucchini
1 cup chopped walnuts

Directions:
1. Grease and flour two 8 x 4 inch pans (or six mini loaf pans). Preheat oven to 325.
2. Sift flour, salt, baking powder, soda, and spices together in a bowl.
3. Beat eggs, oil, vanilla, and sugar together in a large bowl. Add sifted ingredients to the creamed mixture, and beat well. Stir in zucchini and nuts until well combined. Pour batter into prepared pans.
4. Bake for 40 to 60 minutes, or until tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pan on rack for 20 minutes. Remove bread from pan and completely cool.

*adapted from Allrecipes.com

Weekend Procrastination

Oh no, I’ve caught myself playing in the kitchen to avoid my “to do” list again.

Saturday day:  I baked up batch of apricot, walnut, orange phyllo tartlets.  Mmm…smelling like Christmas, they’re difficult to resist.  I had to limit my dinner to a 100-calorie bag of popcorn after a full day of sampling.

TartsSaturday evening,  I cooked up lemon marmalade from Susan Feniger’s Street Food cookbook. In 2011, after visiting her restaurant, II was smitten with her pucker-worthy marmalade that I found hidden under sour cream and Ukrainian dumplings and attempted my own version, which was lacking tartness and needed tweaking (it was my FIRST canning attempt).  I bought her cookbook the other day and realized the marmalade recipe was included so I had to – just had to – try it. Check out that color.

Lemon MarmaladeFinally, this morning,  I couldn’t get my mind off the final roll of phyllo languishing in the freezer – my mind prodding me with “apple strudel, apple strudel”.  One last trip to the store for granny smiths and raisins and the result –  walnut apple strudel tartlets.

Apple Strudel TartletsIt is officially Sunday evening and I can pat myself on the back for successfully avoiding all projects scheduled this weekend.  I can now walk into the office on Monday stressed over my lack of progress and my growing “to do” list.

My Daily Yoga Practice

8 a.m.            Pack yoga gear for class tonight.

9 a.m.            Set Outlook appointment for 5:30 for yoga.

Noon             Shrug off lunch invites because I have to leave early for yoga.

3 p.m.            Drink extra cup of coffee to have energy for yoga.

5:15 p.m.       Realize I’m exhausted and not feeling motivated to go to yoga.

5:30 p.m.       Notice Outlook alarm blinking for yoga.

5:31 p.m.        Decide to skip yoga class, instead decide to go home, nap and then practice yoga at home.  Decide to go to class tomorrow.  Leave gear at work for tomorrow.

5:45 p.m.       Leave work.

5:46 p.m.       Realize traffic is horrendous.

5:47 p.m.        Decide it would be better to go to yoga and wait for traffic to die down.

5:48 p.m.       Realize I left my yoga gear at work and can’t practice yoga. Sit in Traffic.

6:30 p.m.       Arrive home.

8:00 p.m.       Wake from nap.

8:15 p.m.        Get caught up watching TV.

10 p.m.           Decide it’s too late to practice yoga tonight.

11 p.m.           Go to bed.  Commit to practicing yoga tomorrow.

Future Phoren

I have a new ally in my constant battle with procrastination.  Her name is “Future Phoren”.  Future Phoren is a bit temperamental and isn’t someone I want to aggravate.   Keeping her desires in the forefront of my mind is helping me to get those pesky little “jobs” done every day.

EXAMPLE:

It’s late at night, I’m driving home from work and I notice my gas tank is one hair shy of empty.  The choice – fill the tank now or wait until tomorrow.  Usually,  I would keep on driving, waiting to fill it tomorrow.  Now, I ask myself, “what would Future Phoren think?”  Future Phoren will probably be running late for work and cuss loudly when she realizes she still needs to get gas – Future Phoren will be pissed it didn’t get done the night before.  So,  I take the ten minutes on my way home to get gas.  Future Phoren is happy.   

I want to flake out on yoga once again.  Before I do, I think about Future Phoren.  Future Phoren is going to wake up tomorrow and feel like a big, blubbery lazy ass.  I don’t want Future Phoren berating herself,  so I drag myself off to yoga.

Future Phoren is my ally in all kinds of situations – cleaning the dishes in the sink, getting the car washed (or the oil changed), doing laundry or staying a few hours after work.  With Future Phoren on my mind, things get put away, cleaned up and completed. 

And when I don’t procrastinate, I keep Future Phoren happy.