Tag Archives: Yoga

Adoration

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I haven’t dawdled here for some time.  Where do I begin?  So many days seem to have past, and yet so much seems the same as my last post.  Perhaps my life isn’t as rich and varied as I’d like to believe.

Yes, I’m still together with the guy, but our relationship seems to have stalled.  The excitement is gone.  It hasn’t even been six months and the spark is sputtering.  I cooked dinner for us last night – a Hawaiian pork dish with rice and sautéed cabbage.  We watched a movie – The Fighter.  Then he went home. Is this what I signed up for?

I don’t feel adored by him.

He is such a good man and I really do like him tons, but I’m worried that we don’t have enough (fill in blank here) to keep it going. I’m worried I don’t have enough to keep him interested.

I feel as though I’ve been too wrapped up in him, in the relationship, in making him feel loved.  I spend too many Saturday nights on a stool in a dive bar listening to his band.  I’ve lost myself, but then again, I didn’t have much to lose.

So, I’ve started yoga again.  Well, at least I practiced on Monday.  I’m practicing at home tonight – I’m convincing myself I must as I write this.  If I’m not too sore, I’m going to class on Thursday as well.  I want to begin scribbling in this blog again.  I want to start cooking again.  I want my life outside of him back.

I’m not pushing him out, just rolling him over a bit to make room for me.

Take on a New Lover

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If something is bothering me, if I’m feeling anxious or confused, if my mind is filled with unrest, I find myself randomly scanning the posts on the “oracle” known as WordPress.

I’m once again feeling vulnerable and uneasy in my relationship.  He’s been gone for the holidays.  We had two great days just before he boarded the plane, but while he was gone for five days, thoughts of me didn’t seem to occupy his brain often.  I received a few photos.  I received a few one or two line texts, but that was about it.  No calls – even on Christmas.

He came home last night.  He said he would call me, but then his plane was delayed so he said he would call me today instead.  In return, I sent him a drunken text about snuggling naked with him.  He never responded…not last night and not today.  No word from him. You can call me a crazy girl if you want, but something feels off.

Now that I’ve set the scene, back to the oracle that is WordPress. I was aimlessly skimming various posts this morning in my current fretful state of mind and came across this, which seemed to be an answer to my question, “why is he pulling back?”  Impulsiveness in love – like sending drunken texts perhaps?  Has he become my “heart’s salvation”?  That’s not healthy – even to my sensibilities.

Is this a case of the old axiom of not putting all the eggs in one basket?  Is my love too much for one man? Perhaps I need to take on another lover – myself.  So, I’m setting him aside today.  He can call me if and when he wants.  I’m finally sending out my resume for a culinary school internship in Mexico, something I’ve been thinking about for months  – and I’m taking myself on a date to yoga tonight.  I don’t need him to love me today – I can love myself.