I haven’t dawdled here for some time. Where do I begin? So many days seem to have past, and yet so much seems the same as my last post. Perhaps my life isn’t as rich and varied as I’d like to believe.
Yes, I’m still together with the guy, but our relationship seems to have stalled. The excitement is gone. It hasn’t even been six months and the spark is sputtering. I cooked dinner for us last night – a Hawaiian pork dish with rice and sautéed cabbage. We watched a movie – The Fighter. Then he went home. Is this what I signed up for?
I don’t feel adored by him.
He is such a good man and I really do like him tons, but I’m worried that we don’t have enough (fill in blank here) to keep it going. I’m worried I don’t have enough to keep him interested.
I feel as though I’ve been too wrapped up in him, in the relationship, in making him feel loved. I spend too many Saturday nights on a stool in a dive bar listening to his band. I’ve lost myself, but then again, I didn’t have much to lose.
So, I’ve started yoga again. Well, at least I practiced on Monday. I’m practicing at home tonight – I’m convincing myself I must as I write this. If I’m not too sore, I’m going to class on Thursday as well. I want to begin scribbling in this blog again. I want to start cooking again. I want my life outside of him back.
I’m not pushing him out, just rolling him over a bit to make room for me.