Less than Ideal

I have a new contact in my cell phone.  His name is listed as “Jaques the French man!” He added it himself.    He wants me to come to his apartment and cook him dinner.  He says he’ll make a tarte de pomme for dessert.  Really, though, he wants me for dessert.  He’s not shy about telling me what he wants.

Jaques is a French acrobat.

We “meet” during his performance last night.  My friend, P, was the first to notice him noticing me.  Each time he walks past our table, each time he takes the stage, he steals glances at me.  I don’t notice at first – until P points it out, and points it out again, and again.  He’s waiting for me after the show, inviting us out for drinks.

We talk, we laugh, we translate.  He’s muscular and flexible (and don’t forget French)  – and (he finally confesses)… he’s married.  Less than ideal. Next.

His friend is right on his tail – a pretty-boy Asian with long, frosted hair.  Handing P my card, he tells her I should call him “if I want someone cool and available” (in contrast to my French acrobat).  His card reads “Style Editor and Social Ambassador.”  In actuality, he’s a bartender at the dinner cabaret where we met Jaques.  Again, less than ideal.

What the heck has been going on these last few weeks?  I seem to be attracting the men – a lot of them.  My pheromones must be high – well, at least my haven’t-been-touched-in-almost-a-year pheromones, that is.  Unfortunately, I seem to be stuck attracting those who are, as Irish Katie says, “less than ideal”.

These LTI’s  gives me a bit of hope, though.  For every ten “less than ideals,” there’s got to be one potential worth dating, right?  This month, there’s been married, clueless, crushed by divorce, married acrobat and self-ascribed “social ambassador”.  What’s next?  Who’s next?

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Chemistry or Commitment?

“I like him…I like him a lot.”

I’ve been saying that often lately, when asked about the new guy.  It may not sound like starry-eyed gushing to your unacquainted ears, but, trust me, for me, that’s confessing much.

I’m no couch-jumping Tom Cruise.  My usual reaction on dating a new guy is something along the lines of, “We have fun together, but here’s a list of reasons why he’s not right for me.”  In anticipation of my gripes, my good friend, P, has taken to saying “What’s wrong with him” as soon as I tell her I’ve met somebody (and it completely irks me when she does so).

This week, I’ve been wondering, “WHY do I like him so much?”  I’m trying to decide if it’s merely the superficial – he’s the right age, hip, tattooed, a writer and great guitar player in a band – or it’s truly something more substantial.  I want to be able to say, “I like him because…” and have concrete, meaningful reasons. I don’t believe “he makes me feel good” is meaningful, by the way.

We’ve headed into month #3 and, as the pheromone and dopamine rush of new romance subsides, I want to see if there’s a deeper connection – if a friendship can be forged. Yes, I know it sounds silly to be discussing friendship after…well, after EVERYTHING that’s preceded it, but that’s the nature of most relationships today.  First we connect fueled by lust and chemicals and then try to form true bonds after we’ve shouted “oh god” in each other’s sweaty ear.  So, I feel like I’m at a crossroads of sorts – feeling that I Like him (capital L), and yet trying to decipher exactly why.

In March 2009, I posted a list of fifteen non-negotiable checklist items I would like to find in a potential mate.  I find myself returning to that list now.

1.  Attractive to me
2.  Intelligent
3.  Sense of Humor
4.  Positive Outlook/Zest for Life
5.  Passion for work or hobby
6.  Financially stable – not to take care of me, but enough to take care of himself
7.  Honest/Trustworthy
8.  Liberal
9.  Even Tempered
10. Similar Interests
11. Humble
12. Geographically Desirable
13. Chemistry
14.  Mutual Respect
15.  Love Me

Reviewing this list helps me clarify the “why” for him.  I think we’re strong on 10 of the points, while we’re still trying to figure out three points and two points definitely need work (of course, if I could answer “yes” to #15 so early on, I’d be scared).

So, why do I like him? He’s caring and loving to humans and animals. I haven’t seen him do it yet, but I know he’s a man that can cry.  As far as I know, he’s been honest and forthright with me. He’s humble and self-deprecating – even though I think he rocks. He’s even-tempered and emotionally stable; seems to be able to take daily setbacks in stride. We have similar beliefs and interests. He’s smart with a sense of humor, although I sometimes still struggle to understand it. I respect his determination in the face of his recent struggles. And, of course, the chemistry and attraction are definitely there!

Date night tomorrow.  I can’t wait.