We could go see a movie: innocuous night spent hand-holding in a darkened theater with a post movie make-out session.
Or You could come over and watch a movie: let’s roll around, sweaty and naked, in my bed!
I’m seeing him again on Wednesday. He gave me these choices. It’s been a very long time since I’ve “come over to watch a movie” – a very, very long time. I really need to come over and watch a movie – in fact, I need to watch a dozen or so movies. I think that’s why I haven’t been sleeping well. If I mess this up, I may not get a chance to come over and watch a movie again for a while, but yet I hesitate.
I agreed to go see a movie – not to come over, yet. My body says “YES! Right now!” but my mind wants to wait. I’m concerned that I’m postponing for unrealistic reasons, waiting for a certain someone to come around – who never will.
p.s. when TG asked me what I did this weekend, I told him the truth – I went on a date. Suppressing what looked like surprise, he didn’t ask questions. It probably hurt me more than it did him, but he looked like I had just punched him in the gut.
Him: Good to see you today. Sight for sore eyes!
Me: 🙂 I miss hanging with you.
Him: Me too.
We don’t see each other very much and when we do, it’s strained. We pretend like we’re friends chatting away while the noticeable undercurrent of yearning flows beneath our feet. I don’t desire him any less, but the fog of impossibility hangs over us and our interactions.
I had a date with b-lock on Friday. That’s not the answer, either. I had a nice time, but no chemistry. No chemistry at all – even after a few cocktails.
B-locks and I (finally) had our lunch date. When I heard my phone ping with a text an hour later, I just assumed it was him. It wasn’t. It was you-know-who. “Whatcha Doing?” I didn’t know how to respond or if I even should. No matter how much I want it otherwise, if he is conflicted about taking next steps with me, then we are back to friends – nothing more or less. I decided for honesty – “I just got home from a lunch date.” That was over an hour ago. He hasn’t responded.