Decision Time

source: somecards.com

source: someecards.com

Dating Translation

We could go see a movie:  innocuous night spent hand-holding in a darkened theater with a post movie make-out session.
Or
You could come over and watch a movie: let’s roll around, sweaty and naked, in my bed!

I’m seeing him again on Wednesday.  He gave me these choices.  It’s been a very long time since I’ve “come over to watch a movie” – a very, very long time.  I really need to come over and watch a movie – in fact,  I need to watch a dozen or so movies.  I think that’s why I haven’t been sleeping well.  If I mess this up, I may not get a chance to come over and watch a movie again for a while, but yet I hesitate.

I agreed to go see a movie – not to come over, yet.  My body says “YES! Right now!” but my mind wants to wait.  I’m concerned that I’m postponing for unrealistic reasons, waiting for a certain someone to come around –  who never will.

p.s. when TG asked me what I did this weekend, I told him the truth – I went on a date.  Suppressing what looked like surprise, he didn’t ask questions. It probably hurt me more than it did him, but he looked like I had just punched him in the gut.

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Sore eyes

P1000779BFHim:       Good to see you today.  Sight for sore eyes!
Me:       🙂   I miss hanging with you.
Him:       Me too.

We don’t see each other very much and when we do, it’s strained.  We pretend like we’re friends chatting away while the noticeable undercurrent of yearning flows beneath our feet.   I don’t desire him any less, but the fog of impossibility hangs over us and our interactions.

I had a date with b-lock on Friday.  That’s not the answer, either.  I had a nice time, but no chemistry. No chemistry at all – even after a few cocktails.

Mating game

B-locks and I (finally) had our lunch date.  When I heard my phone ping with a text an hour later, I just assumed it was him.  It wasn’t. It was you-know-who. “Whatcha Doing?”  I didn’t know how to respond or if I even should.  No matter how much I want it otherwise, if he is conflicted about taking next steps with me, then we are  back to friends – nothing more or less.  I decided for honesty – “I just got home from a lunch date.”  That was over an hour ago.  He hasn’t responded.