I seem to have turned a sudden corner. Since Thursday, I’ve been feeling okay – not zip-a-dee-do-dah happy, but not pining and crying over love lost either. There are stretches of time when I’m not even thinking about him, although there’s still stretches of time when I do, but these times see shorter…and not as sad. I’m not constantly thinking I see his car on the freeway (a silver Altima – do you KNOW how many of those fucking cars are out there? I do!) Of course, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop – thinking it’s a phase and I’ll be back to my old sad-sack self some morning. Perhaps my depression has turned into manic-depression and I’m beginning my manic phase. God, I hope not!
So, what happened to make this change? I honestly don’t know. My Psychiatrist thinks the Wellbutrin finally kicked in. My Therapist thinks it has something to do with my newly landscaped backyard (not a euphemism – I just landscaped my backyard on Wednesday) and/or the fact that I connected my feelings of “unwanted-ness” from my father to my feelings of “unwanted-ness” from my ex. I, personally, think it’s because I ate a sandwich.
Days since I’ve contacted my ex: 62 (4 days to go!!)
Days since I’ve searched for my ex: 14 (Long road on this one)
What I’m grateful for: my beautiful newly-landscaped backyard