Eat a Sandwich

I seem to have turned a sudden corner. Since Thursday, I’ve been feeling okay – not zip-a-dee-do-dah happy, but not pining and crying over love lost either.  There are stretches of time when I’m not even thinking about him, although there’s still stretches of time when I do, but these times see shorter…and not as sad.  I’m not constantly thinking I see his car on the freeway (a silver Altima – do you KNOW how many of those fucking cars are out there?  I do!)  Of course,  I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop – thinking it’s a phase and I’ll be back to my old sad-sack self some morning.  Perhaps my depression has turned into manic-depression and I’m beginning my manic phase.  God, I hope not!

So, what happened to make this change?  I honestly don’t know.  My Psychiatrist thinks the Wellbutrin finally kicked in.  My Therapist thinks it has something to do with my newly landscaped backyard (not a euphemism – I just landscaped my backyard on Wednesday) and/or the fact that I connected my feelings of “unwanted-ness” from my father to my feelings of “unwanted-ness” from my ex.  I, personally, think it’s because I ate a sandwich.

Days since I’ve contacted my ex: 62 (4 days to go!!)

Days since I’ve searched for my ex: 14 (Long road on this one)

What I’m grateful for:  my beautiful newly-landscaped backyard

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