My best friend (and my only friend living here) is having LASIX surgery on my birthday next month, which, she informed me, means that she will not be available to celebrate with me.  She was my lifeline – the solution to my first birthday without him.

I’m turning 45.  That’s considered a “milestone” birthday, isn’t it? It’s on a Friday, a great night to celebrate – if I had something to celebrate, and someone to celebrate it with.

I know this pain will come and go. I’ve actually been doing pretty well these last few days (I deleted all of his photos off my Facebook page today in my continued effort to “move on”), but the realization that I will be celebrating my 45^th birthday alone is hitting me hard.

My family doesn’t acknowledge birthdays anymore and my friends have other things to do.  I’ll receive a perfunctory card from my office.  I wonder if he will even realize it’s my birthday when the day comes?  Probably not.

Maybe a new year that begins so pathetically foretells a magnificent ending – in like a worm and out like a viper?