I’m a daydreamer, so lately I’ve been spending my time imagining the scene that will play out the first time I run into him again. I’m also a planner, so I’m determined to be prepared when it happens.
In my fantasies, I bump into him when he’s alone and looking a little rumpled. I, on the other hand, am looking fabulous, with a gorgeous man on my arm and I have some little tidbit to share with my ex that will make him shrivel with self-loathing such as, “It’s a funny story…this publisher came upon my blog quite by accident…she liked what she read…and she’s offered me this book deal.” – I know, I know, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
In reality, I know it won’t go so smoothly, but I’m determined that it goes in my favor. So, I’m planning for the “Worst Case Scenario” – he’s got some hottie on his arm and I’m there alone, looking like a wallflower.
First, I’m determined to LOOK FABULOUS. The odds are good because this breakup has left me 12 pounds thinner and, with all of my extra non-dating time, I’ve been practicing yoga again, so I should be thin and fit. I’ve also been drowning my singlehood sorrows at the mall which means new outfits and shoes – not to mention a cute new hair cut.
My goal is to look PLEASANTLY SURPRISED and not distressfully alarmed when he catches my eye.
Ideally, I see him across the room and I don’t have to talk to him. I give him a FULL SMILE (I look best with a full smile) and HALF A HAND WAVE – as if I’m seeing a casual acquaintance.
If he feels the need to come over and chat, I want to TREAT HIM LIKE AN OLD BOSS THAT I HATE, BUT HAVE TO KEEP ON GOOD TERMS with because he/she will be giving me future references. If he tries to go for the hug, I’ll hug back, but in that certain half-hearted way, lightly, with a few pats on the back – you know, like somebody who “doesn’t hug”. I’ll be the first to break the grasp. (This may work in my favor as well because then he can feel how thin and fit I’ve become). I will not be bitter or sarcastic.
When he asks me how I am, I will tell him “REALLY GOOD” in the way that Summer Finn tells Tom in 500 Days of Summer that her weekend was “really good”. It kept him wondering. “Okay” or “good” sounds like I’m suffering my loss of him. “Amazing”, “great” or “fantastic” sounds like I’m faking it. “Really good” sounds like I’m doing just fine without him (whether I really am or not). I won’t elaborate. In our better days, I told him everything. Now is not the time to catch him up on things, make him think I have no one else to talk to, and that I have been waiting for a chance to pour out the last few months of my life in his ear. I will keep it light and short.
Eventually, I must return the question. I’ve decided on “HOW ARE THINGS”. “How are you” sounds too much like “Are you able to cope without my love?” “How are things” will lead him down the path of talking about non-personal things – how his kids are doing, his current work-load or news about his band. I can listen to all of that with detachment and answer “THAT SOUNDS GREAT”.
Now it’s time to make my escape. I’m done keeping it sweet, simple and light – and I’m ready to BE THE ONE THAT LEAVES this time. I’m thinking about something like, “Well, it was good to see you but I’m going to a) refresh my drink b) join my friends c) find the bathroom or d) mingle.
And, lastly, I WILL NOT LOOK BACK!
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Haha That shit is funny. Break-ups always leave you looking thinner.