Rebound

So, here we sit, across from each other.  My profile is down.  Your profile is down.  Saying, yet not saying, “I want to be with you…for now.”  Is that what you’re really saying?  I don’t know.

It’s tricky, this dance that we’re doing.  You are raw from your separation, still licking your wounds, still not aware of their depth.  You’re not ready to date, not really.  You have work to do.  But you’re trying – and I am your first.  I am “the rebound” and that scares me.  I don’t want to be hurt.

I like you, I think.  I haven’t liked a man in a long time.  You’ve been straight with me and there’s a warmth in you that draws me.  I desire you. Do we have anything in common?  I’m not so sure.  We both like music, but not the same kind.  You don’t like movies.  We’re both foodies, but how far can that take us?  We both like books, but we’ve already had that conversation.  I don’t surf.  You don’t garden. You introduce me to your friends – and I feel out of place.  Where do we go from here?

You need someone to mend your heart, your ego.  I don’t want you to see me as the antithesis of your ex, but as the person I am.  I want you to like me for me, not for how I’m different than her.  You don’t ask me those usual questions about past boyfriends and future hopes, likes and dislikes.  Am I merely there to fill the hole she left in you?

I tell you I like hanging out with you.  You say you do, too.  You say I make you happy. I try to play it cool.  I know one day I’ll say or do something (or perhaps for no concrete reason at all) that will make you flinch.  You will want to run, screaming “she is not what I want”.

So, I keep one foot out the door, taking it one week at a time.  I’m trying not to cling, not to panic. I’m trying to let this unfold naturally, not putting pressure on you.  I am the rebound and I’m scared.

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