The guy and I are going away this weekend. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m not sure that I feel anything at all.
I don’t want to say that…maybe what I should tell you is that I saw the film Before Sunset last weekend and it affected me more than a cute love story should have – and in the wrong way. It’s left me melancholy and yearning for…something; I’m not sure what. I perhaps see too much of myself in Celine; the woman that she’s become and her style of relationships. The story was a little too real for me.
He tells me he could see our relationship going somewhere – not this week or this month, but a little later. I was musing over that this morning. At this point, I can’t even fathom a future – any future. We’ve gone out a half-dozen times. How can you tell, after perhaps 30 hours, that the person next to you is a good fit? I need 30 weeks – maybe even 30 months – to figure that out.
Yes, I’m going away with him this weekend. He’s smart, he’s funny, he treats me well and he seems to be able to take care of himself. Of course he’s messed up – aren’t we all, but in the good way that I like. Nevertheless, once again, I seem to have one foot out of the door – or my hand on the doorknob, just in case I need to make a quick escape. He wants me – wants to see me during the week, more often and longer on the weekends; he wants sleepovers. I’ve put him off so far, tentative. Is that what I am – a tentative lover? I don’t want to be that.
We’re going away this weekend – and we’ll see how it goes.