A Continuing Theme

I had a conversation with a friend last night that has left me raw and haunted this morning.  We were talking about the death of loved ones, of course.  Having never lost someone close, he was looking at it from a perfectly rational perspective: one has a shared story with someone, then that person is gone and, as the survivor, you alone carry on that story in your memory.

It’s not that simple though, is it?  I’ve heard it said, “I lost a piece of myself when _______ died”.  I was thinking about that sentiment last night.  Have I lost a piece of myself?  No,  I’m still here, spiritually wounded and emotionally bruised and feeling a little hollow, but here. 

The Buddhists speak about non-duality: there’s no “self”, there’s no “other”, only a single universe, or the “Is”…or whatever one wants to call it.  I’ve always had difficulty with this concept, but it almost makes sense here.  No, I didn’t lose my “self”, but lost two loved ones, my “others”.  Even more importantly, I have lost a tertiary existence as well, the connection between us – the “Is”.

That connection is torn apart when a loved one dies and, we can try to be as rational as we like, but it still hurts and we grieve – yet we keep on going.

But, then again, the Buddhists teach non-attachement as well…

Rest Peacefully Now

All day I face
the barren waste
without the taste
of water.
Cool Water.

Dan and I,
with throats burned dry
and souls that cry
for water.
Cool, clear water.

The nights are cool,
and I’m a fool.
Each stars a pool
of water.
Cool, clear water.

And with the dawn
I’ll wake and yawn
and carry on
to water.
Cool, clear water.

The Shadows sway
and seem to say,
“Tonight we pray
for water.”
Cool, clear water.

And way up there
He’ll hear our prayer
and show us where
there’s water.
Cool, clear water.

Keep moving Dan.
Don’t you listen to him Dan.
He’s the devil not a man.
He spreads the burning sands
With Water.

Say, Dan can’t you see
that big green tree
Where the water’s running free?
It’s waiting there for you and me.

And water
Cool, clear water.

Dan’s feet are sore.
He’s yearning for
just one thing more
than water.
Cool, clear water.

Like me I guess
he’d like to rest
where there’s no quest
for water.
Cool, clear water

Cool Water by Hank Williams Jr.

I said goodbye to my mom on Wednesday evening.  She was surrounded by her children as her breath became soft and then left her completely.   I stayed with her a while in the stillness.  She came to me in my dreams last night, reassuring me that she’s alright.  She is Loved.