As a follow up to my last post, I want to talk about attraction. I’ve read a number of books – in fact, I just read one recently – that instruct women to “give the boring guy a chance”. If these experts are to be believed, it seems that men are divided into two very broad categories:
Type 1: Boring/Nice/Husbands/Marrying Types – White Bread
Type 2: Interesting/Creative/Sexy/Bastards (?) – Everything Bagels
According to these authors, if you want a healthy, trusting, loving relationship, you have to convince yourself to love a Type 1 and give them a chance to show you their nascent Type 2 qualities. I’m an everything bagel woman. I will never be content with a white bread man. Just as a gay man can’t “learn” to be straight, I’m never going to “learn” to love a Type 1. Sure, I can suppress my genuine desires; tamp down what I really want for the comfort and security of Mr. Boring, but will that actually make me happy? Using this weekend as a microcosm, Friday was Type 1 and Sunday was Type 2.
These books just assume that Type 2 guys are “bad boys”. I don’t like bad boys – I don’t seek out bad boys; I’m wise enough to know they are bad news. Bad boys and fascinating, imaginative, arty men are different beasts. Since when does Roget list “asshole” as a synonym for creative and interesting? Why can’t a Type 2 also be a loving, caring and nice guy? Who says they have to be bastards? Can’t there be a Type 3:
Type 3: Interesting/Creative/Sexy/Loving and Nice
Why don’t these relationship self-help books tell us to seek the whole enchilada? Why does it have to be dull/nice or exciting/jerks? There’s got to be Type 3’s in the world, right?
You are totally right about this. It is so often assumed that someone interesting and passionate won’t be able to settle down. Sure, if you want a man that has nothing else to do with his life but be with you, then the boring is the one for you. But, if you let the interesting one keep his dreams, he will be more than happy to be with you, because this way he won’t have to give up his whole life to do it. I’ve told you in the past that, in my opinion, you are an amazing woman. So be optimistic! Your man is out there! If you weren’t worth the type 3, I would, personally, try to tell you somehow. But that’s not the case.