The world is shooting by me at intergalactic speed while I’m barely moving, as if mired in tar. I’m feeling stalled this week.
I just found out another ex-boyfriend got married – and he’s a daddy now. My first response is, “good for him”. God knows, he’s not someone I wanted to marry…but, there’s another feeling underneath the first that I can’t quite pin down. Is it a sense of being left behind somehow?
It’s been almost eight years since we broke up. We don’t travel in the same circles, but somehow I expected I’d bump into him some day, the vitriol gone, and we’d catch up – he’s still doing the same things, living in the same place, hanging out with the same friends.
It’s not this guy in particular who has me musing on my stagnation, but rather this latest tidbit of information is just another grain of sand in my growing Sahara. My friends have no time for fun and play – they have swim lessons, volleyball tournaments and spouses who want their attention. Family gatherings are fractured through death, illness and other commitments. Then there’s the ex-boyfriends – how many are married now? Better yet, how many aren’t?
I, on the other hand, feel like I’m living the same life, doing the same thing – not changing much at all.