Blue Monday

I’m sitting here at my desk, staring unblinkingly at my computer screen.  My eyes burn from the harsh glare and a restless night.  It’s so hard to sleep after a shift at the steakhouse.  My fingers leave grease-marks on the keyboard.  I’ve liberally lubricated my digits with Bath and Body Works Wild Honeysuckle lotion – an unsuccessful attempt to massage the aching pain in my hand.  I’m not sure why my hand hurts these days – is it the beginning of arthritis or just a normal consequence of an unfamiliar grip on my chef’s knife?

My door is shut – today, I prefer this silent cocoon to the chatter outside this room.  My lack of sleep has left me emotional and fragile.  I haven’t heard from him.  I’ve concluded that he’s not interested.  I’m disappointed – I wanted to know him better.  I think we’d be a good fit.  However, it takes two.  On top of that, a good friend, who emails daily, has gone quiet on me.  It’s quite odd – one minute he was talking to me…and the next he was not.

Today, I feel Abandoned.

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Grey Mood

The mood here has been grey this week.  My disappointment in myself for canceling the catering weighs heavy on me.  I also broke off with the guy earlier this week.  It was an inevitable outcome and kinder to do it now rather than wait until things got too muddled.  Still, he was a good man and I take no pleasure in hurting him.  I also miss him.  Daily emails and phone calls have given way to silence.  Midweek adventures have been replaced by quiet nights at home once again. 

A year ago, if asked, I would tell you my daily happiness rank a 7.5 or an 8 on a scale to 10.  Today, I feel like I’m struggling for a 4.