I Broke my Own Rule

I “had” to contact him today. Maybe I didn’t have to,  but things were getting out of control and I needed to nip things in the bud.  I facilitate a CD club where the members each pick a month and send the other members of the club a CD of music for that month.  I removed him (July) from that list months ago, but it appears that the other club members were working from the original list so…

  1. He received an email from the April member stating that that they are so sorry the CD is late, but it will be out soon.
  2. Followed by an email from the June member stating that they already put their CD in the mail.
  3. Followed by the March member reminding everyone that they had a new address.

God Dammit.  Each month, I was sending out an updated list to that month’s member with my ex’s name removed.  This was something I ruminated over for a long time – the man I knew would have fulfilled his commitment,  the one who broke up with me would not.  I didn’t know if he would send a CD or not, but I didn’t want any tie to him, even in this remote way. I removed him for myself most of all.

So, this morning, after the flurry of emails above, I responded to the group with the updated addresses and also telling everyone that July is no longer participating.  I sent him a separate “FYI”.  I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to make sure he understood that he was released from his obligation – even though I’m fairly certain he wouldn’t send his CD anyway.  I’d love to tell you that I don’t care if he responds, but I’ve probably checked my email four times in the last half-hour to see if he has.

To: My Ex

From: Phoren

FYI – I removed July months ago, but they were working off an old list.  The email below should end any further contact.

Hi All,

This is the most updated list with M. and S.’s new address.  R. , I’ve heard you have moved as well.  Our July club member is no longer in the group, so no need to send one there.  Thanks for all the great music!

Days since I’ve contacted my ex:              0  (Dammit!)

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