Euphemisms

Have you seen the new commercial for the Schick Quattro Trim Style for women? Do you have any confusion about the purpose of this new beauty tool?  If so, just pay close attention to the commercial.  Throughout the ad, you will see bikini clad woman strolling past wildly overgrown “bushes” only to have the Quattro neatly trim them into “landing strip” bushes and perfectly groomed V-shaped bushes – as well as a few shapes I’ve never seen (squares and circles anyone?).  I’m not making this shit up!  Must we really dance so delicately around the feminine mystique?  Why beat around the “bush” (I couldn’t resist)?  Just say what the damn product is – a razor for your pubes. Very few women still go au naturale anyway (I hope) – and I’m sure every guy knows we landscape (and are happy for it). It’s the right tool for the job – right boys?

 Another commercial that’s driving me crazy is for Assurant Health.  The ad focuses on health insurance needs and how Assurant Health Insurance can help.  The first person straightforwardly talks about losing their job and not having health coverage (is this not embarrassing?).  The next woman secretly whispers the confession that she just needs to see her “personal” doctor once a year. Is it some secret that women have their own doctor called a g-y-n-e-c-o-l-o-g-i-s-t that we usually see once a year? For fuck’s sake!

I’m so sick of commercials dancing around female concerns as if they are unmentionable.  Men can talk about not getting an erection, and the Charmin bears can confront dingle-berries head on, but women must refer to odor as a “not so fresh feeling”.  Who decided blue liquid is less disturbing in a tampon commercial than, say, pink or red?  Perhaps it’s just me, but if I had a period that was blue, I would be VERY disturbed.

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