Here I am checking my email continually and waiting for a word from you – just like before, but it’s not like before, you are happily married now. I don’t want to mess with that. I don’t want to be “that woman”.
Why should I want more than email? This was our favored method of contact so long ago. How easily we’ve fallen back into this pattern. We didn’t coalesce outside of our emails. Nose to nose, We didn’t get along. You broke my heart. Your life isn’t something I want attached to mine now.
We chat about our daily lives, our dreams. We tell each other stories as if…as if our history isn’t what it was: We told each other “I love you”, we were passionate lovers. And now, we skirt the subject – pretend we’ve never been anything but friends who lost touch. But, I remember the truth and I know you do, too.
Does she know? Does she know we email almost daily? If it’s truly as harmless as we pretend, you could tell her.
This is dangerous, I know. I’m going to get hurt by you again. I don’t blame you. It’s my heart – always wanting the fantasy; always disappointed by reality.