My Spleen is Gone, Replaced by Hope

Phoren,

Somehow I knew that when I accepted T.’s friend request [on a social nextworking site] that this moment would come. I cannot tell you how many times I have thought of writing you only to stop mid-sentence and erase everything I’d written. Why, you ask? I cannot say.

I sincerely hope that all is well. I hope that life has brought you much happiness, both personally and professionally. For my part, I am well and living the life which I have chosen.

Take care.
Best.
-e.

 

I was nothing less than astonished to see this email in my inbox.  As I read it, my hands turned ice cold – I’ve heard about blood draining from one’s face, but hands?  My digits are once again warm and I’ve recovered from the initial shock.

 

E. would be on the list of “boyfriends who’ve done me wrong”.  It’s a short list and only an egregious act will get you added.    E. wasn’t a great boyfriend to start and, when we broke up, it was done in a bad fashion as well.  He then continued to mess with my heartstrings for the next year while he figured his romantic life out – talking amorously to me on the phone and showing up unannounced on my doorstep because he was having a “High Fidelity” moment (I guess I was a top five?). The camel’s back finally broke when I called him, needing a friend, while my father was gravely ill. There was one call before my ICU visit and one after, both with me in tears – neither which were returned, ever. 

 

His lack of compassion and caring left me hurt and bitter – and very angry. 

 

Here I am, eight or so years later, with his email sitting in my inbox.  My spleen towards him is gone.  I’m just as astounded to find I’ve forgiven him as I was to read his email message.  It’s past, it’s over, and it’s history.  He’s married and “living the life which [he] has chosen” (I’m not sure if that’s good or bad).  And I am happy for the life that I have.  I’m also encouraged that I can grow and change – if I can forgive E., there’s hope for me yet.

 

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