If you remember my post from last month, the dating pool has been bone dry for some time now. So, in an effort to put a little spark back into my romantic fire, I registered on an internet dating site yesterday. My mission? To keep my ad up for 30 days, “seriously consider” anyone who takes the time to send me an email, to stop being so damn hard to please and give romance a chance.
I’ve received a few emails and winks – and I’m already disheartened. Are these guys even reading my profile? Here are some pointers I’d like to leave on my ad, but they would most certainly ensure that no one winked at me again:
Age isn’t important to me, but if you look like Colonel Sanders, I’m probably too young for you:
If your photo looks like you could possibly be a mass murderer (cap down low, glaring at the camera from the corner of your eye), don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me. I’m looking for a date – not to be chopped into tiny, bite-size pieces.
I like a man with a bit of style. If you wear your sunglasses, cap or visor backwards on your head, we’re probably not a love match. Cap or visor backwards says “I’m still a boy” (and I don’t want to be anyone’s sugar mama) and sunglasses backwards says “Where’s the NASCAR race?”
Your Screen Name
If you use “8er” or “ster” at the end of your screen name (as in “Bobster” or “Evan8er”), you are too cool for me. Most likely, you would do better with a girl whose name ends with an “i” like Bambi or Cindi.
If your screen name has the word “fan” in it – like redsoxfan, hockyfan, 49ersfan – don’t waste your time with me. I won’t be painting my face the team colors and drinking stale beer from plastic cups in the rain.
Be honest – if I can’t see past your obsessive love of all things Sci-Fi, we’re probably not a match anyway. I’m not looking for a doctor who drives a Porsche and lives at the beach – I’m looking for someone as crazy and quirky as I am.
Lastly, and I’m doing this for your own good, No woman under 65 wants to be called a “gal” – and no woman (unless she’s married to Barry White) wants to be called “My woman”.
This is going to be an interesting 30 days.